Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hiya Tuesday Tea Timers!

I have found it hard to know what to write about today. My friend EH has been blogging her experience after the death of her baby Alexander Scott in July. I thanked her just the other day for her writing. EH is a wonderful poetic writer who is able to put things into words that I did not seem to know what to do with originally. I wanted to remain optimistic and seem hopeful. I am an optimistic person and I am hopeful.

However hard I may try to mask the continuation of grief over the death of my Kaia Gene, there are days that emotions run heavy. It is hard to imagine that I could have a daughter that it is anywhere between 1 1/2 months old to 6 1/2 months old. It is hard to imagine all of the belongings that I would be using right now to clothe her, feed her. and bathe her. It is hard to imagine the restless nights many and most young parents experience.

These pieces are not our reality. Kaia Gene did not live beyond one day. If you follow my blog or know my story you know that she came incredibly prematurely. And there's no reason that any of that happened as it did. So I have hope. I choose to celebrate life. This has been a choice I have made since I was a young girl. I celebrate the life of Kaia Gene, Heather, Alexander Scott, and of the many other infant deaths I have heard about since Kaia's death. Yes it is overwhelming to know how many people are grieving the death of an infant. 

It is also joyously overwhelming to know how many people are celebrating a recent announcement of pregnancies & healthy births. One colleague recently announced her pregnancy with twins and then another with her second pregnancy. I also celebrate the many babies that were born within a month before Kaia's original due date or just shortly there after. I celebrate the many babies that will be born, from close lifelong friends, in the next month or two.

Yes, some days are heavier than others. Optimism and hope always win out for me. However this has been a great lesson in showing myself grace and accepting that, and hoping for, grace from those I work and live with in community. For more insight on this journey be sure to check out ErinHaligowski.WordPress.com.

Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hello Tuesday Tea Time friends!

This last week has been a very wet week for much of the country. While there was flooding in Louisiana, up north we have had very intermittent hard fast and then slow and light rain falls.

I just brought home my wellies from work yesterday. You know it is some serious rain when I bring out my wellies. However like I said sometimes it was slow and light rain. These rains are not so intimidating and seem to be all right to head out into. They seem so appealing that even my sweet puppy dog doesn't mind going out into these rains.

Not only once, but twice did MG and myself head out into these light slow rains for a short walk. The first walk, as I opened the door and realized it was raining, I thought to myself "Shoot! My coat is at work and so is the dogs." There was not much I could do about that in the moment and so we went on out into the rain. Naturally when we were standing at the other end of our building and just across the street, the rain started to become heavier and more frequent. Thankfully Z had gone into work that day and he could bring our coats home. I was fairly equipped for the rain the rest of the week.The second time I found myself stuck in the rain it was by pure choice that I did not wear my rain jacket.

There's something refreshing about a walk in the light rain and sometimes even in the heavy rain. Both times I stopped briefly to stand up straight and turn my face upward toward the sky to catch rain as if it were snow. Thankfully it was not snow yet. Both times I gave thanks for the rain and the refreshing moment provided by Mother Earth. 

Finding ways to be refreshed with Tuesday Tea Time!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning Tuesday Tea Timers! Today I bring you a unique piece of Britta Gene Art for the rest of the month.

One week before traveling to IN for Kaia's burial service Britta Gene & family were in MI. While at lunch & deciding the rest of the afternoon activities, the family had decided to get matching tattoos. Like a good sister, Britta Gene leaned over with a spark in her eye & asked, 'wanna get a tattoo?!'

I had been toying around with another tattoo for quite some time & despite what people say, not because they are addicting. For a long time I thought I wanted the Diaconal cross, but was never satisfied with simply that. Then I had been playing around with the idea of the ; (semicolon) tattoos that represent mental health awareness & a reminder to pause, to breath, & take one step at a time. While I didn't have enough time to decide where to add the ; to my already small heart design (by Britta Gene), I may save up to have it added eventually.

The heart tattoo is to honor Grandy. Britta Gene's Grandy was a lovely woman with a heart for others & a wonderful deep belly laugh. I can still hear her laugh when I stop & listen. It was after Grandy's death that Britta Gene started seeing hearts all over her daily ins & outs. This taught many of us to look for heart finds. Just yesterday I saw a heart find in the healing of my skin where I burned myself. Seriously, heart finds EVERYWHERE!

My forever heart find is with Kaia Gene, who taught me a new thing or two about love. The heart artwork is buried with Kaia Gene in her urn vault. My heart tattoo is a touch less glamorous (it doesn't sparkle) & a daily reminder to just love. Love & look for love & be love & do love because love is love is love is love is.

Tuesday Tea Time!

As the IN August sun set over the farm, I knew in my heart that everything was alright. We had just finished celebrating the memorial service for Kaia Gene. Surrounded by family & friends we acknowledged that there was nothing right or easy about what we were doing, but we know that Kaia Gene has been redeemed and called by God.

 

This past Friday we buried Kaia Gene next to my cousin Heather. Heather was stillborn 48 years ago and never had been given a memorial where her mother, my aunt, could be present. I shared at the memorial service, for both Kaia and Heather, that there is nothing easy about the stories that surround the death of a child, but that it is easy to honor the memories of these dead children simply by hearing their stories. It is important to provide space in life for us to feel uncomfortable about real life events, such as the death of a child, & to share this space together.

Friday night we shared that space together. That space in which we share life's hardships and uncomfortable places is holy space. Though I was woken up the night after Kaia was born with the verses of Job running through my head, I know just as Job knew, that still we are to give praise to God because we are alive to do so.

Today I give my praise to God for new opportunities, new relationships, and the undying love God continues to show us through God's people & creation. As the IN August sun set over the farm, I knew in my heart, my head, & my very being, that everything was all right.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Happy August everyone!

I'm honored to be back to guest blog for Juls. The last time I was here it was the dead of fall, my favorite time of year. Now I'm just crossing my fingers that the Virginia heat wave gives us a break sooner rather than later.

My previous post spoke of self care, even amidst busy life seasons. Over the last 6 months I've been growing my professional life but also dedicating time to things I am passionate about on a personal level.

I recently launched This Is Infertility, a way to honor my and my husband's journey through infertility. The stories have flooded in and I'm grateful to have a moment in time to read the voices of others and hear their perspective. While they may be small glimpses into their journey, I'm reminded of the power of dialogue, and storytelling, and hard truths.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." -David Ausburger

As I go through my days, I try to remember to allow others to be heard. To embrace their truths, their journey, and their hardships. Sometimes that means quietly listening, sometimes it means offering a hug, and even sometimes it means just simply validating their truth with your words.

I find that as I become more intentional in how I listen, others are more willing to open up. And in turn, understanding of the different journeys we experience flourishes.

How can you make sure someone is heard today?

(and therefore loved.)

Oh! And my tea recommendation this week? A classic Earl Grey with a pinch of sugar with a side of a lemon wedge.

Warmly,

Lacey

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hiya Tuesday Tea Time friends!

The reality is that the month of July has been a very trying month for not only our country, world, but my simple every day life. One never knows how certain dates or anniversaries or random days are going to hit them & the majority of the July days have been unfortunately heavy.

While my heaviness has not been because of infertility, I want y'all to check out my friend's new project through her business of Hampton Roads Doulas at This is Infertility. Because of my health history I was lead to believe I may be infertile & thus the pure surprise of my pregnancy with Kaia Gene. I know this project will benefit hundreds of people. My friend LB is doing amazing work & recently expanded her business across the country to LA at Doulas of Los Angeles.

I pray to put this heaviness to rest with the coming memorial service for our sweet Kaia Gene in another week & a half. I know that this time will pass & lighter days are ahead. And till then I move along one foot in front of the other with my tea in hand.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday teatime friends! I come to you later in the day today because I'm finally able to wrap my mind around all life happenings both personally & in our world a little bit better at this point in the day.

Life continues to be good & challenging.

I could talk about black lives matter, all lives matter, or gun control. I could talk about the death of a child, the children we hope for, or the children without a home. I could talk about politics & the hilarity & sadness of Stephen Colbert's show at the Republican Party convention.

There's so much that today's teatime could focus on it leaves me without words.

Take time to care for your neighbors. Take time to care for each other. Know that there are only visual differences between the colors & the textures & the labels. We are all humans trying to survive. Be nice. Be kind. Be helpful. Be neighborly. Be love. 

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hiya Tuesday Tea Time Friends!

We've come to another important milestone in our year. Z and I, and others, remembered our original due date for baby Kaia Gene this past Sunday July 10. July 10 is also our oldest nieces birthday & our a very good friend MBR's birthday. This July 10 we also said goodbye to a youth who will be moving to a new state in the next few days. This July 10 we both went to work & preached the good news in various ways. Z preached as a preacher & I is a Diaconal Minister, serving youth ministry. This July 10 marked a significant milestone in our year even amidst the usual Sunday happenings.

After the usual Sunday lounging we hopped in the car & drove to meet up with good friends for dinner. These friends are not friends that we see very often due to distance, but friends that there's a piece of home in our friendship. LK & I have been friends since our first semester at CAP, nearly 14 years ago. The Spirit led us in similar ways for several years as we both figured we shouldn't stick with our original choice of study at CAP & switched to religious studies. Then beyond CAP we both went on to serve 2 years with YE & that's when RK entered our lives. Let's just say, not only do they have the same last name now, but 2 adorable & energetic little ones (a 3rd on the way) & therefore LK & RK got to know each other much faster & in a different way than RK & I did. They are a delightful couple to have spent part of such a unique day in our year with them.

It was like meeting with a piece of home to have dinner with them. We caught up on life in the here & now & remembered life from long ago. Our connections through college days, Youth Encounter days, all our world travels & calls to ministry keep us connected. These pieces keep us at home with each other. Being we met on our original due date & their third wee one growing (due in November) we connected through hopes for our families & funny stories of the growth of all life. They left, trying to make it back to be with their extended family - all together for an annual family gathering nearby - so that they could help with putting the 7 youngest to bed.

You can't make these pieces of life happen. They just do & for that simple piece, I give thanks. Today's Tuesday Tea Time is dedicated to the milestones & the delightful pieces of life that just are.

Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hello Tuesday Tea Timers!!!

Happy July! I hope y'all had a great holiday weekend. Even if you found yourself outside the USA, I hope you're enjoying this beautiful time of the year.

This week is a very busy week with the National Cherry Festival going on near by. I give thanks to all who have helped with the parking lot youth ministry fundraiser & look forward to the days of service in our community coming up later this week. We'll be helping Habitat for Humanity one day & participating in an area clean up another day.

While I'm in the throes of summer work busyness, I still take my time for tea on Tuesdays. I love this photo by Britta Gene Art for this month. It makes me want to be relaxing in that chair with a good cup of tea. This rocking chair is buried deep in some of the woods outside my hometown. It's a quiet & peaceful place. It is a lovely place made by lovely people.

Enjoy you're tea time today & if you're as active as me this week, be sure to stop & savor the tea time today & whenever you need it.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Timers! It's so great to be with you again this week. I have a confession to start off our today's Tuesday Tea Time. Last week I was at camp & at camp it's not as easy to have morning tea as it is to have morning coffee. Now I will admit that I did not seek out a tea kettle. I guess I was looking for a bit of a change. However, when I had that first tea, at the end of the week, it was so so delicious.

Yes last week I was a coffee drinker, to some degree. The 1st° is that I am in denial & the 2nd° is that I started out with maybe a half a cup of coffee each day, but by the end of the week I was having a full cup of coffee to get my morning going The other piece was I never drink straight black coffee. I always add cream and sugar. Could I ever become a real coffee drinker?Perhaps, but not likely.

Knowing this & admitting this brings a different meaning to the phrase "camp changed me." Camp has changed me, but not just camp, also the Spirits presence in, through, & around my camping experiences in life. Camp is my happy place, camp is where my tribe is, camp is where nature grows wildly & stands out in beautiful new ways. Camp has brought me a week of drinking coffee & camp has brought me a sense of knowing my world a little bit more thoroughly.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday teatime friends! I'm coming to you a few days early sitting on my patio drinking a homemade iced chai. I'll be at camp today, when this is posted. But don't worry, I will enjoy Tuesday Tea Time at camp just as much as I would from home or work or wherever! And don't think that I'm so fancy that it's truly homemade chai. It is Tazo Chai that was on sale at Target, my favorite shop, and mixed with Meijer brand unsweetened vanilla almond milk.

I've had a lot on my mind as I think the whole world has these days. This last week has been unreal in many ways. I learned about the Orlando massacre during the prayers of the people in church on Sunday (6/12) morning. By late Monday morning, I learned about an unexpected death of a close family friend, that also happened between Saturday night and Sunday morning. then I believe it was maybe the next day that on the radio on the way to work that I heard about the little boy who was taken by an alligator at the Grand Floridian Resort at Disney World. One piece after another, weirdness and things completely out of our control popped up.

It seems that in the last year I have been reminded of how much is truly out of my control and all the people I know as well. Maybe I just don't know the right people! Kidding! I love the people I do know and in fact I was raised in such a family that I find myself feeling love, philía or brotherly of course, for people I don't know. The last year of life has been completely about things happening that nobody has any control over. We may point fingers at people or at inanimate object's but the reality is that life happens and sometimes it's hard and other times it's wonderful.

While life goes on, lift your chin, lower your shoulders, plant your feet on the ground & take a deep breath. This is where you are, right now & that is where you are for now. Be where you are, who you are & while it may be messy, know that you are loved right in your spot. You are you, & that is good.

Share this with others who need this love - ahem, everybody! - & know that love is greater than hate.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Time Friends! It's good to have you here safely, shining like a star with the tutu girl.

In the wake of the Orlando hate crime, I find myself rather speechless. Our gun laws have to change. We have to listen to each other's stories more intently & show respect to each other for the sheer fact that we're all trying to survive this world.

The Gospel lesson I preached on this past weekend was Luke 7:36 - 8:3. The main focus was the faith shared by the strange woman who was in a home where she was not welcomed. The Gospel news of the story is that it is not up to us to choose who is welcome in our world, but it is up to Jesus, our resurrected Lord & Savior. It is ours then to love like the strange woman, no matter who tells us "no," because Jesus tells us "yes."

So love as best you know how. We don't have to understand or see eye to eye, we just have to love.

We weep with those who weep. For Orlando, for Muslims, for LGBTQ, for individual families mourning tragic loss, we weep.

Because we love.

Love in action, being lived out as the verb that it is, will change this world.

In the words of artist Britta Gene, just love.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning & happy Tuesday Tea Time!

Today as we enjoy our morning beverage I introduce you to the Britta Gene Art Tutu Girls. They're some of my favorite work because they have so much character. Their story is shared in poetry & there's always a touch of sparkle.

Their stories aren't always easy & that makes them very real. Their stories are often dream like & that makes them Britta Gene Art. Britta Gene just had her first art fair of the season last weekend & has a show at the Ft. Wayne airport in July, followed by another art fair.

Summer is a fun time for new opportunities. There's new teas & new festivals & new sunsets & new trails to be hiked. Hop on over to Britta Gene Art & contact her about her new pieces today!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Time!

I'm here with many thanks today after a celebratory weekend filled with birthday shenanigans. Growing up birthdays were always made fun for a few reasons. One reason was it was always the start of summer & another was that it always meant good food shared with family & friends. Of course it's always fun to be gifted too. And there was always somebody else with a birthday within days of mine to celebrate too, such as my friends KPK, HG, & 3MD!

Over the years I've had some memorable birthdays. For years my birthday meant my Mammaw would make me whatever kind of pie I wanted. Generally I chose cherry. I was 'kidnapped' more than once by friends & surprised once in Hong Kong. The HK surprise was pulled off so well because I was actually returning to the states a few weeks before my actual birthday, but my friends wanted to celebrate with a cook-out in the park. My birthday has always been an excuse for adventure of new life pieces.

This year we went on a hike, enjoyed a Starbucks treat, took part in the monthly pancake breakfast at our apartment complex, saw Alice in Wonderland: through the looking glass in IMAX 3D (it was excellent), then had dinner at Patisserie Amie. That was all the day before my actual birthday! My actual birthday was filled with a wonderful Sunday morning at work, a quiet afternoon, & a graduation party in the evening. 

The biggest surprise this year was when my children's message got hijacked in the best way possible. My message was highlighting church camp & I had just mentioned camp fire songs when I was told they had a song for me. Before I knew how to respond, the entire congregation was singing 'Happy Birthday' to me. I was blown away in the best way possible. Not only did they sound good, they weren't even prompted to do such a thing & it is quite powerful being sung to by roughly 100+ people.

So today as I enjoy my Kombucha Tea (he picked up the right kind this year!), I am thankful for the fun & the memories & the many well wishes from around the world. This year is bound to be a little better & healthier than the last. Farewell to a beautiful Lusty Month of May!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning Tuesday Tea Time friends!

It's good to be with you today. Last week I could not find the words or energy or focus to join y'all. It was a touch of adventure just to get my own cup of tea to truly begin my day & that happened 2 hours into my morning.

Last week my mind was wondering about the two Amber Alerts on my phone in less than a week. Both babies were found, but what really bothers me is that these alerts have to be sent out ever. Warmer weather does not equal the right to kidnap or steal or give away children or humans of any age.

More recently, in just the past few days I have heard stories of the loss of children in two different ways. No matter the ways in which a child leaves this world, the hard reality is that it is beyond our control. Like the case of the one Amber Alert, we may mess up & make the wrong decision (to leave a child unattended), but more often than not it is not an action of our own. The questions that arise from these instances most often go unanswered.

What brings solace, is the witness of baptism & new life that defies this reality of death. When we acknowledge our lack of power in death, we make room for God's greatness to shine through with the promise of everlasting light. Thanks be to Christ!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Time!

Today in the lusty month of May (have you listened to the wonderful Julie Andrews sing this yet?) we celebrate all the mothers of our lives. Yes, this is in lieu of the observed Mother's Day this past Sunday (in the USA & Germany at least). This was my first Mother's Day as a mom to baby Kaia & my furbaby MG. As women are becoming more empowered to talk about, & act against, the challenges of being a women, with or without children, & the adventures that bring us to our different identities of motherhood, I stand firm in that all who identify as a female have the ability to claim 'mother' as a piece in their life roles.

I shared an article titled 'When You're Not a mom on Mothers Day,' on Facebook the other day, taking no time to write any of my own thoughts or reflections on the article. Throughout the day the article received many comments of people reassuring me of my motherhood & sharing their care for me/women who would still be pregnant if that mysterious day didn't happen as it did 8 weeks ago. The love that continues to be shared is wonderfully overwhelming.

I am a mom. I've been a mom for years, but in a different way. I took care of my cousins children when they were little ones. I even taught the twins to tie their shoes! The twins are now finishing their first year of high school. I was a camp counselor, day camp director, Spoke Folk leader, baby sitter, youth director, pet sitter, & many other roles that taught me to be motherly. 

I was never phased much when that one random doctor told me I may never bear children back in the mid 1990s. I honestly just figured if that was true I'd adopt if having my own children was ever part of my calling. I knew that I'd never know what it felt like to be a mom until I had the chance to feel like that. And as I've mentioned, I've had many experiences to feel motherly about, but of course none of that compares to holding my sweet Kaia Gene against my chest while she breathed life for those 93 minutes she had with us (on Pi Day).

I am a mom, madre, mother, mommy, mama. I am beyond thankful for all the moms that have helped me learn how to be motherly. And I am thankful to all the moms who entrusted me with their children & gave me the time to grow as a mothering being. Mother's Day was different this year, but that's alright. 

Happy Mothers Day today, the other day, & every day to all the mothering type of people.

And if you still have a spot of tea left, or need a refill, hop on over to Stumbling into Faith for a read on Mother's Day in 2016 written by my dear friend MBR. A "new mom" herself, she reflects on the brokenness of Mother's Day.

Tuesday Tea Time!

It's the first Tuesday Tea Time in the lusty month of May!

May is my favorite month! It is a month of continuous warming weather that brings Spring buds to bloom & a month of many celebrations. It is May, the lusty month of May!

A huge thank you to my friend TS for editing & posting last week's Tuesday Tea Time. You know you've got good people in your life when you text them (yes both TS & AS) at 7am their time, simply to ask for help getting your blog posted, & they willingly jump on board with not a peep about the time difference between your location & their's. I'm sure it was a delightful way to potentially be woken up to on a Monday morning!

This week marks 7 weeks already gone by since baby Kaia Gene graced us with her presence. Every Monday I remember the Monday morning she was born & give thanks for her life, my life, Z's life, & Easter. I then take a deep breath and move on into my day. 

Last Monday I was attending a work related retreat & while it is a bit of a retreat, it is also work related & therefore of course there was a guest speaker. This year's speaker was Dr. Ben Stewart of LSTC & he shared his passions regarding creation care & natural burials. It really is fascinating work for the church & world, but all I could think while he was speaking was 'shit! My daughter is in a pearl urn.' There's nothing natural about a pearl urn or the reality that Z & I had to make the decisions we did about our daughter's life. Many parents can relate on a variety of levels to this unfair, but real & natural piece of life.

While life can be unfair at times, there is plenty of life to celebrate. And that is just what we do in this lusty month of May, we celebrate!

Tuesday Tea Time!

Grab your drink & a comfy seat, and together we'll enjoy our Tuesday Tea Time!

Together, we'll smile at the unpredictable Spring weather & hold tight in the comfort of a warm mug in our grips. Some say tea is a hug in a cup.

Together, we'll share highs & lows & ins & outs of life as of late.

Together, we'll be, you & me, with our mug of tea, warm in our souls.

Together, there'll be tea, for you & me.

Together.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Timers!

Northern MI has finally been kissed with a touch of true Spring weather. It's amazing the buzz of energy this brings to everybody & everything. We're eager to celebrate the warm weather & all that it brings. We've already been enjoying the usual Spring cleaning pieces of switching out our wardrobes, sweeping out the garage, putting the cushions on the patio furniture, & taking longer walks with the furbaby.

Over the past several weeks one of the biggest blessings has been people sharing their stories of life with me. The stories have spanned the ages, years, & topics. They have all been raw with life & spirit, & the sharing created sparkle.

For decades it's been taboo to talk about the loss of a baby (at any stage), mental health complications, & much of life. We seem to make these taboo pieces taboo simply by not sharing our stories around them. The reality is though, even if our stories are that we don't have words to tell our stories, that is our story. There are great stories told in the silence & sighs of life, as well as in the the screams & exclamations.

My story, in just the last year or so, has been greatly impacted by the realities of a loved one living with mental health complications that have rocked our world. And if you've been following tea times recently, you know that last month I delivered our first baby extremely prematurely resulting in her death & the loss of a piece of our hearts. We are a living taboo & our stories are one in a million.

Thank you to all for sharing the deep, below the surface realities of life with me. We learn how to react & care for one another in the taboos of life, when we live through these moments together. Living through these moments with y'all near & far is a blessed time of sharing our hearts with one another.

Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hiya Tuesday Tea Timers!

What a wild ride of life over the past month, to say the least. Many of you have joined in the abundance of tea consuming & good life discussions that can do nothing other than deepen relationships. Thank you for being part of community. As my friend, colleague, & mentor Dr. Terri Elton, has said about me, I thrive on community. Being part of a community that works to exist for the sake of each other is key to many a persons, if not all, well being.

For now our space for Kaia is complete. In its current state, 1 month after her birth & death, it has almost the most decor it will have. Providing friends come forward with art they wanted to make for baby Kaia, those pieces will be added to her memory space. In a few months we'll bury her ashes, and in due time her future siblings will be gifted the use & play of the books, blankets, & Beatrix Potter stuffed animals. The pieces that will always be a part of her space in our home will be her name blocks, framed foot print piece, a glass cross from the funeral home, a ceramic angel from her Papau's pharmacy co-workers, a few knit pieces, and a gifted piece of art or two.

The pieces have come together for today. Our baby Kaia rests peacefully in our hearts & more literally in the heavens around us with God who holds us all together (despite our attempts to break apart) & even more literally in her small pearl urn on the cedar chest in our room. We drink our tea & move along one day at a time.