Tuesday Tea Time!

Hiya Tuesday Tea Time Friends!

I really meant to rock 'n roll for every Tuesday in November, but then life happened & I didn't have a piece of art to share & so on & so on.

This past year has been incredibly unbelievable in so many ways. It really goes back further than that for Z & I, but that's not worth rehashing at this point. After going through the birthing process at such a premature stage for both myself & Kaia people (mainly medical professionals) would ask, "Are you ready to have another baby?" They weren't being pushy, they were being realistic that I (& Z) may not be mentally ready, but that our bodies would be physically doing their normal things.

When would we ever be mentally ready? Our first born, who was quite the surprise, broke our hearts in all the best ways. Kaia broke our hearts by being in my womb & making us grow in love for one another. Kaia broke our hearts the day she was born & we knew we could not force life on to her. Kaia broke our hearts in the memories & stories that we now hold so dearly. Kaia broke our hearts to be more raw, vulnerable, & giving. So much of what we do as a couple we do in honor or memory of Kaia. The reality is we would never be mentally ready for another baby & we knew it. We also felt, months ago, that the best way to honor Kaia was to make her a big sister.

We have no idea what the health of this rainbow baby will be or if it'll even prove to really be a rainbow. But we have hope, lots & lots of hope. We are filled with joy & fear all at the same time. While I found that I could barely hold the news in after finding out at such an early stage (week 4 or 5), when it actually came time to share the news I was very anxious. It wasn't worry about what people may think or say, it was the "what if" game that we so often do with ourselves. It was & is truly a relief to share the news of our rainbow baby & receive the support & prayers & silliness that comes with letting people know. It is another life & it is worth celebrating, just as we celebrate its big sister Kaia.

A lot of the last year has hurt emotionally, physically, & all around just hurt. And there will be more hurt in the future, but we have a choice to either let that bring us down or build us up & we choose to let it build us up. We look up for the rainbow.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning Tuesday Tea Time followers!

I apologize for my absence over the last few weeks. I almost missed today, but felt the need to take a minute or two just to say hello.

This month started with some vacation time, thus the first missed post, then I came back to work & had other priorities. Today there are many items on my "to do" list & creating "margin" is one of them.

I've been co-leading a book study at work since mid-September & last night's practice that we discussed was creating "margin." Margin is a time-out, a way to step back & breath, to say no to things, to take time for yourself. Margin is Tuesday Tea Time!

BGEG & I talked last week & touched base on blogging & her artwork for this month & both said, "ah well, gotta take a breather every now & then." So that is exactly what this month is. Without even trying I was creating margin for myself by not taking the time to blog. Unless sparked by the urge to share with you through the end of the month, I will continue to make this margin & not let myself feel guilty for not sharing with y'all.

The picture (that I hope posts, though Google has given me a warning about mixed content being an issue) says "Tea just isn't the same without you!" That is very true. Have no doubt that there has been Tuesday Tea Time, just no blog to go with it. This month has also been a good one to reflect on margin as it is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. There have been memory walks & the wave of light & memorials. My friend EH is still blogging her journey after the birth & death of #AlexanderScott. In fact today's post is about a struggle for her happy birthday.

Take time today for margin for yourself, for your loved ones, for your coworkers, for your community, for life lived & not lived.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning Tuesday Tea Time followers!

I apologize for my absence over the last few weeks. I almost missed today, but felt the need to take a minute or two just to say hello.

This month started with some vacation time, thus the first missed post, then I came back to work & had other priorities. Today there are many items on my "to do" list & creating "margin" is one of them.

I've been co-leading a book study at work since mid-September & last night's practice that we discussed was creating "margin." Margin is a time-out, a way to step back & breath, to say no to things, to take time for yourself. Margin is Tuesday Tea Time!

BGEG & I talked last week & touched base on blogging & her artwork for this month & both said, "ah well, gotta take a breather every now & then." So that is exactly what this month is. Without even trying I was creating margin for myself by not taking the time to blog. Unless sparked by the urge to share with you through the end of the month, I will continue to make this margin & not let myself feel guilty for not sharing with y'all.

The picture (that I hope posts, though Google has given me a warning about mixed content being an issue) says "Tea just isn't the same without you!" That is very true. Have no doubt that there has been Tuesday Tea Time, just no blog to go with it. This month has also been a good one to reflect on margin as it is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. There have been memory walks & the wave of light & memorials. My friend EH is still blogging her journey after the birth & death of #AlexanderScott. In fact today's post is about a struggle for her happy birthday.

Take time today for margin for yourself, for your loved ones, for your coworkers, for your community, for life lived & not lived.

Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hiya Tuesday Tea Timers!

I have found it hard to know what to write about today. My friend EH has been blogging her experience after the death of her baby Alexander Scott in July. I thanked her just the other day for her writing. EH is a wonderful poetic writer who is able to put things into words that I did not seem to know what to do with originally. I wanted to remain optimistic and seem hopeful. I am an optimistic person and I am hopeful.

However hard I may try to mask the continuation of grief over the death of my Kaia Gene, there are days that emotions run heavy. It is hard to imagine that I could have a daughter that it is anywhere between 1 1/2 months old to 6 1/2 months old. It is hard to imagine all of the belongings that I would be using right now to clothe her, feed her. and bathe her. It is hard to imagine the restless nights many and most young parents experience.

These pieces are not our reality. Kaia Gene did not live beyond one day. If you follow my blog or know my story you know that she came incredibly prematurely. And there's no reason that any of that happened as it did. So I have hope. I choose to celebrate life. This has been a choice I have made since I was a young girl. I celebrate the life of Kaia Gene, Heather, Alexander Scott, and of the many other infant deaths I have heard about since Kaia's death. Yes it is overwhelming to know how many people are grieving the death of an infant. 

It is also joyously overwhelming to know how many people are celebrating a recent announcement of pregnancies & healthy births. One colleague recently announced her pregnancy with twins and then another with her second pregnancy. I also celebrate the many babies that were born within a month before Kaia's original due date or just shortly there after. I celebrate the many babies that will be born, from close lifelong friends, in the next month or two.

Yes, some days are heavier than others. Optimism and hope always win out for me. However this has been a great lesson in showing myself grace and accepting that, and hoping for, grace from those I work and live with in community. For more insight on this journey be sure to check out ErinHaligowski.WordPress.com.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Good morning Tuesday Tea Timers! Today I bring you a unique piece of Britta Gene Art for the rest of the month.

One week before traveling to IN for Kaia's burial service Britta Gene & family were in MI. While at lunch & deciding the rest of the afternoon activities, the family had decided to get matching tattoos. Like a good sister, Britta Gene leaned over with a spark in her eye & asked, 'wanna get a tattoo?!'

I had been toying around with another tattoo for quite some time & despite what people say, not because they are addicting. For a long time I thought I wanted the Diaconal cross, but was never satisfied with simply that. Then I had been playing around with the idea of the ; (semicolon) tattoos that represent mental health awareness & a reminder to pause, to breath, & take one step at a time. While I didn't have enough time to decide where to add the ; to my already small heart design (by Britta Gene), I may save up to have it added eventually.

The heart tattoo is to honor Grandy. Britta Gene's Grandy was a lovely woman with a heart for others & a wonderful deep belly laugh. I can still hear her laugh when I stop & listen. It was after Grandy's death that Britta Gene started seeing hearts all over her daily ins & outs. This taught many of us to look for heart finds. Just yesterday I saw a heart find in the healing of my skin where I burned myself. Seriously, heart finds EVERYWHERE!

My forever heart find is with Kaia Gene, who taught me a new thing or two about love. The heart artwork is buried with Kaia Gene in her urn vault. My heart tattoo is a touch less glamorous (it doesn't sparkle) & a daily reminder to just love. Love & look for love & be love & do love because love is love is love is love is.

Tuesday Tea Time!

As the IN August sun set over the farm, I knew in my heart that everything was alright. We had just finished celebrating the memorial service for Kaia Gene. Surrounded by family & friends we acknowledged that there was nothing right or easy about what we were doing, but we know that Kaia Gene has been redeemed and called by God.

 

This past Friday we buried Kaia Gene next to my cousin Heather. Heather was stillborn 48 years ago and never had been given a memorial where her mother, my aunt, could be present. I shared at the memorial service, for both Kaia and Heather, that there is nothing easy about the stories that surround the death of a child, but that it is easy to honor the memories of these dead children simply by hearing their stories. It is important to provide space in life for us to feel uncomfortable about real life events, such as the death of a child, & to share this space together.

Friday night we shared that space together. That space in which we share life's hardships and uncomfortable places is holy space. Though I was woken up the night after Kaia was born with the verses of Job running through my head, I know just as Job knew, that still we are to give praise to God because we are alive to do so.

Today I give my praise to God for new opportunities, new relationships, and the undying love God continues to show us through God's people & creation. As the IN August sun set over the farm, I knew in my heart, my head, & my very being, that everything was all right.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hiya Tuesday Tea Time friends!

The reality is that the month of July has been a very trying month for not only our country, world, but my simple every day life. One never knows how certain dates or anniversaries or random days are going to hit them & the majority of the July days have been unfortunately heavy.

While my heaviness has not been because of infertility, I want y'all to check out my friend's new project through her business of Hampton Roads Doulas at This is Infertility. Because of my health history I was lead to believe I may be infertile & thus the pure surprise of my pregnancy with Kaia Gene. I know this project will benefit hundreds of people. My friend LB is doing amazing work & recently expanded her business across the country to LA at Doulas of Los Angeles.

I pray to put this heaviness to rest with the coming memorial service for our sweet Kaia Gene in another week & a half. I know that this time will pass & lighter days are ahead. And till then I move along one foot in front of the other with my tea in hand.

Tuesday Tea Time!

Hello Tuesday Tea Timers!

Northern MI has finally been kissed with a touch of true Spring weather. It's amazing the buzz of energy this brings to everybody & everything. We're eager to celebrate the warm weather & all that it brings. We've already been enjoying the usual Spring cleaning pieces of switching out our wardrobes, sweeping out the garage, putting the cushions on the patio furniture, & taking longer walks with the furbaby.

Over the past several weeks one of the biggest blessings has been people sharing their stories of life with me. The stories have spanned the ages, years, & topics. They have all been raw with life & spirit, & the sharing created sparkle.

For decades it's been taboo to talk about the loss of a baby (at any stage), mental health complications, & much of life. We seem to make these taboo pieces taboo simply by not sharing our stories around them. The reality is though, even if our stories are that we don't have words to tell our stories, that is our story. There are great stories told in the silence & sighs of life, as well as in the the screams & exclamations.

My story, in just the last year or so, has been greatly impacted by the realities of a loved one living with mental health complications that have rocked our world. And if you've been following tea times recently, you know that last month I delivered our first baby extremely prematurely resulting in her death & the loss of a piece of our hearts. We are a living taboo & our stories are one in a million.

Thank you to all for sharing the deep, below the surface realities of life with me. We learn how to react & care for one another in the taboos of life, when we live through these moments together. Living through these moments with y'all near & far is a blessed time of sharing our hearts with one another.