Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hiya Tuesday Tea Timers!

I have found it hard to know what to write about today. My friend EH has been blogging her experience after the death of her baby Alexander Scott in July. I thanked her just the other day for her writing. EH is a wonderful poetic writer who is able to put things into words that I did not seem to know what to do with originally. I wanted to remain optimistic and seem hopeful. I am an optimistic person and I am hopeful.

However hard I may try to mask the continuation of grief over the death of my Kaia Gene, there are days that emotions run heavy. It is hard to imagine that I could have a daughter that it is anywhere between 1 1/2 months old to 6 1/2 months old. It is hard to imagine all of the belongings that I would be using right now to clothe her, feed her. and bathe her. It is hard to imagine the restless nights many and most young parents experience.

These pieces are not our reality. Kaia Gene did not live beyond one day. If you follow my blog or know my story you know that she came incredibly prematurely. And there's no reason that any of that happened as it did. So I have hope. I choose to celebrate life. This has been a choice I have made since I was a young girl. I celebrate the life of Kaia Gene, Heather, Alexander Scott, and of the many other infant deaths I have heard about since Kaia's death. Yes it is overwhelming to know how many people are grieving the death of an infant. 

It is also joyously overwhelming to know how many people are celebrating a recent announcement of pregnancies & healthy births. One colleague recently announced her pregnancy with twins and then another with her second pregnancy. I also celebrate the many babies that were born within a month before Kaia's original due date or just shortly there after. I celebrate the many babies that will be born, from close lifelong friends, in the next month or two.

Yes, some days are heavier than others. Optimism and hope always win out for me. However this has been a great lesson in showing myself grace and accepting that, and hoping for, grace from those I work and live with in community. For more insight on this journey be sure to check out ErinHaligowski.WordPress.com.

Tuesday Tea Time!

 Hello Tuesday Tea Time friends!

This last week has been a very wet week for much of the country. While there was flooding in Louisiana, up north we have had very intermittent hard fast and then slow and light rain falls.

I just brought home my wellies from work yesterday. You know it is some serious rain when I bring out my wellies. However like I said sometimes it was slow and light rain. These rains are not so intimidating and seem to be all right to head out into. They seem so appealing that even my sweet puppy dog doesn't mind going out into these rains.

Not only once, but twice did MG and myself head out into these light slow rains for a short walk. The first walk, as I opened the door and realized it was raining, I thought to myself "Shoot! My coat is at work and so is the dogs." There was not much I could do about that in the moment and so we went on out into the rain. Naturally when we were standing at the other end of our building and just across the street, the rain started to become heavier and more frequent. Thankfully Z had gone into work that day and he could bring our coats home. I was fairly equipped for the rain the rest of the week.The second time I found myself stuck in the rain it was by pure choice that I did not wear my rain jacket.

There's something refreshing about a walk in the light rain and sometimes even in the heavy rain. Both times I stopped briefly to stand up straight and turn my face upward toward the sky to catch rain as if it were snow. Thankfully it was not snow yet. Both times I gave thanks for the rain and the refreshing moment provided by Mother Earth. 

Finding ways to be refreshed with Tuesday Tea Time!

Sunday Snippets: good, bad, & awesome!

GOOD: That I have loyal followers that read because they care & are okay when life has so many twists & turns I don't post until later in the day. This hoosier sunrise photo just omits the humidity of the day & the day had only just begun. Yes, a hoosier sunrise means a trip to my dear hoosierland. And a trip to hoosierland means pieces of self care with lunch, tea, & catch-up dates with long time friends. A trip to hoosierland also meant a meet & greet with new babies in the family! A trip to hoosierland also meant being woken up at the crack of dawn by an excited MG, always ready to greet the day & wake everybody else up. Thanks to MG's energy & an early morning walk I got this great no-filter used photo of the hoosier sun rising above the trees.

BAD: In the last week I have felt emotions that left me feeling numb, as if the wind had been knocked out of me, & plain dumbfounded. Mix a little bit of anger & hope in there & you have grief! Anybody else remember learning DABDA in health class way back when? This past week I was gifted a couple different things that I wanted eventually, but I didn't know how I wanted them. I do know I didn't want them to go down as they did. However, that's that & tomorrow is a new day. We each believe the pieces we choose to believe to get by & take care of ourselves & that's the best we can do.

AWESOME: The peace that passes all understanding & the way in envelopes one when you most need it. I have prayed for this peace for others on so many occasions & hope they have been overwhelmed with it as I have in the last week. Last week I was pleading with God for this peace at one point & by the end of the day there it was. I stood in the hallway wondering how I could be so calm & the only explanation was an answered prayer & a gift of the presence of the Spirit within me.

WORD: Today the Good News was that Jesus doesn't put us in boxes & he doesn't call us to be box monitors. Jesus pulls us out of our boxes & together we disassemble the boxes we put others in & therefore there is no need for box monitors. Jesus has it all in control folks!

coming up: One foot in front of the other with Life, Spirit, & Sparkle! Head Up. Heart Out. Move to the Beat!

Sunday Snippits: good, bad, & ugly!

Sunday Snippits!

GOOD: Winter is ending nicely. I know that doesn't mean there won't be more snow, in fact there's likely more to come this evening, but the temperatures are finally starting to warm up a bit. Facebook was filled with plenty of uplifting pieces of art & funnies this past week. Ash Wednesday went off without a hitch & with many #ashtag(s). While the #ashtag is ridiculously nerdy, it is also a pretty great way of sharing one's faith in Jesus & outwardly acknowledging our human fate of being made from dust & returning to dust. Reading this article brings me hope of change in the church for expanding the kingdom of God. Friday night we had fun with friends at a new restaurant in a neighboring town & Z tried frog legs for the first time (& prolly his last). AND to top of these good things our passports have been renewed & we have booked our first trip out of the country for next month! While we have been numerous places before ever knowing one another existed, we have not been on any over the ocean trips together.

BAD: While Ash Wednesday reminds us that from dust we came & to dust we will return, this week makes that far to real for my liking. The death of a dear friend (TE) to the most aggressive form of breast cancer (IBC), an accidental dose of chemo to my uncle who's living with PICK's disease & small cell lung cancer - it helped him breath better even though they weren't doing chemo, & the death of my best friend's (AJO) Grandma.

UGLY: The continuing war throughout the world. The crazy highs & lows that are a part of grief. The unknown.

WORD: So Z & I have been doing different devotions lately. I've been regularly doing the AM & PM devo that's part of the 'devotion' app on my phone. Occassionally we do those together, but we've also been doing the Luther Seminary Lenten Devotional. In Zumba today I shared Psalm 127 because I thought it was the Psalm I read the other day (it wasn't) through one of these devos that I just didn't connect with on that day in lieu of the grief I've been dealing with.

coming up: A funeral on Tuesday, some camp prep, some Zumba work, & as always some adventure!